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April 12, 2003: Conversations

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I called my parents, and my dad answered the phone.


“I’m watching scallions on my laptop! Dancing scallions singing about how the King likes Daniel more than them!”

There is a pause.

“They’re not scallions.”

“They’re not? Then what are they?”

They’re leeks. They’re the leeks of Babylon.”

I think it’s becoming an obsession.


“It’s got 2.6 Ghz processor, and a CD-rewriteable combination DVD drive and 512 mb RAM and 64 mb video something or other that I’m not really sure what it is but Richard says it’s a good thing. And it has – how big a hard drive does it have? Oh yeah. 40 GB hard drive. Plus it’s got a 16 inch screen. It’s so cool!”

She peers at me quietly for a brief moment.

“Can you move your bangs for a moment?”

I stare at her blankly.


“Because I want to see the big N that is apparently engraved in your forehead.


“What is that one line?”

“Which line?”

“In the song. That one about the Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything.”

“Which line?”

“You know. The line near the end. When Larry is singing. ‘And I’ve never licked a spark plug and I’ve never sniffed a stink bug and I’ve never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball and I’ve never bathed in yougurt and I’ve dah dah dah dah something.”

“I don’t look good in leggings.”



"I suppose that makes sense. After all, he is a cucumber."

"And he's never been to Boston in the fall."

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