Previous Entry Previous Entry

February 18, 2002: Patchwork

Next Entry Next Entry

I've been recovering slowly from this bout of winter cold, impatient for it to be finally over since the waves of apathy have continued to wash over me at least once a day since it began. At least I knew enough to recognize what they were and I could (mostly) ignore them. I was doing fairly well all week, looking forward to the weekend. I had plans for this weekend. My dad and I were going to finish those bookshelves. I was going to start on the curtains for the computer room. I was going to organize the financial stuff into the new ledger system I've been envisioning, and clean the bathrooms. I was going to be productive.

And then my mom called Friday night, her voice strained, telling me of a situation with my dad that I wish didn't exist, and I felt that apathy coming back and this time I didn't even try to pretend that it wasn't there. They are having problems. Big problems. And even though I know that there is nothing I can do or say to help, still I feel powerless, as if there should be something I could do to make this all better.

I didn't get much of anything done this weekend. It's probably for the best that Richard was not here. I curled up in a chair and read books. I ate the rest of the Valentine's Day cookies (and somehow managed to still stay in my Points. This actually surprises me). I covered myself with blankets and buried my head in the pillows and slept. I was supposed to go have dinner with my older sister last night but she knew something was going on, and I knew that in my emotional state, all she would have to do is ask and I'd spill what I wasn't supposed to tell.

I woke up this morning to the sight of a silly Cthululu next to my computer, and my husband curled up underneath blankets and cats on the bed, finally home from two days of RPG-convention-fun. This winter cold is finally fading away and for the first time in days I feel alive, as if I could do something constructive again. My parents are both strong and I know they will get through this, just as they've weathered so much else over the years. And I have to accept that no matter how badly I may wish to fix things - for them and for the rest of my friends who are hurting right now - I cannot. I can only fix myself.

It's a beautiful day today. If I focus on that, it will be enough.

Previous Entry Previous Entry Comments (0) Next Entry Next Entry
[Who] [Archives] [Email] [Main] [Recipes] [Knitting]

All content included in is the sole property of its creator, Jennifer Crawford. Copyright 2000 - present.

This site powered by Moveable Type