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March 24, 2002: I'd like to thank my pet tortoise...

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Before last night I had never watched the Oscars before. I’m not sure why I never bothered – perhaps it was the utter shallowness of the whole thing, or the fact that I usually hadn’t seen even half the movies nominated, or that I find long and blubbering acceptance speeches trite and painful to sit through. But the point is that I never took the time to sit down, turn on the TV, and watch, until last night. Last night was when I decided to see what all the hoopla was about. So we watched.

It was…interesting. Not interesting enough to make me want to sit through five hours of it ever again, but at least we got to cheer when Lord of the Rings won four Oscars (which really wasn’t bad, considering it’s a genre film, and fantasy at that). We also got to snicker at some truly hideous outfits. To be fair, the women weren’t the only ones who had apparently been smacked upside the head with the Ugly Dress stick. There was one man who accepted an award in some sort of odd suit that was black and kind of stringy. I have no idea who it was (all the men wore black suits. They sort of blended together that way), but at least it made our little game of Spot the Fashion Faux Pas a bit less gender specific. Of course the guys were at least all decently covered. It was only the women who were desperately trying to display their…erm…assets. And Gwyneth Paltrow needs to fire whoever it is who dresses her, because this person is harboring a deep-seated resentment. It’s the only excuse I can come up with for that gown. Euww!

As soon as they announced Best Picture, we turned off the set, unwilling to sit through yet another acceptance speech where lawyers are thanked (Can someone please explain to me why all these people were thanking their lawyers? Does this not strike anyone else as just a little bit odd?). After five hours of staring at movie clips and badly dressed actors and actresses, we came to the following conclusions. We need to go and see Lord of the Rings again. I need to see Beautiful Mind, because I am apparently the only person in the surrounding five counties who has not seen it. And now we also have to rent Moulin Rouge and Amelie, just to see why they were up for so many awards. Amelie looks interesting – very colorful and intriguing. I’ll admit, however, that I am a bit hesitant about Moulin Rouge. People either seem to think it is the greatest movie of all time, or hate it with a violent and colorful passion. But hey, I was willing to give squash another chance, so I suppose Nicole Kidman deserves one too.

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